Posts

You are not alone

Image
First an update on the physical changes. Voice: a definite drop in it, cracks a lot which is annoying but won’t be forever. Hair: Hair is everywhere, I found some on my toes!!!! Back, stomach, legs. Basically hair everywhere except my face ☹ 6 months on testosterone and changes are definitely noticeable in my overall body shape and face shape. I have a more “masculine shape” but with soft like features.
So now that that’s out of the way time to talk about what really grinds my gears. Transphobia. It’s the only way I can logically explain what is going on in the news today. The current administration is wanting to go as far as take the word transgender out of the dictionary. Like, it will be forbidden to not only be it, but to speak it. So I shall be he who shall not be called that let’s call him she (Harry Potter much?)
What is transphobia? Well exactly what it sounds like- not liking those that identify as transgender. More specifically from the world wide web the agreed upon definiti…

But I really have to pee!!!!!!!

5 months so far. What a journey so far. Every day is a new day and I couldn't be more happier or more at peace with myself. It's truly amazing to see all the changes, even the subtle ones. There is definitely a change in the voice, deeper and still a ways to go. I actually like talking on the phone now. The other day I heard myself on the phone and geeked out a little ha. Hair growth is very very very slow. We bought my first razor and shaving cream for the face to help stimulate more black hair versus the peach fuzz I have so much of. Fat is redistributing to a more "male" shape and muscles are more defined, especially in my arms. Once I lose some more weight, its back to the gym for me, need to release all of this energy I seem to have a lot of lately.
Bet your wondering what the heck is up with the title? Bathroom dysphoria. Most transgendered persons suffer from this, especially in the beginning of their journey. Which bathroom do I go in? Am I safe? Using the …

Family is Everything.... Except when it comes to being yourself

Image
Its been awhile since I posted, been a bit crazy with the new job. I love it. Finally I get to be out in the open and be myself. Everyone there is super supportive and always has a ton of questions. Good, I love questions. The more people are educated about the transgendered community the easier it is to understand us.
First an update on my progress, next week will be 3 months on testosterone. I'm at 100 mg every 2 weeks and my testosterone levels are at 354. Normal range for a cis-gendered man is approximately 300-1000 so I am on my way. Depending on how I respond will determine if there is an increase. Slow and steady is my motto. There is definitely a drop in the voice, a little cracking too. Hair on legs is darker and peach fuzz on face is increasing. Fat around body is redistributing to a more box like appearance or "more masculine". Even my nurse says I walk different. I feel different most definitely, but different in a good way. I feel stronger, less depressed.…

He works hard for the money... so hard for the money $$$

I know its been awhile since I posted. Started a new job and was a little, ok a lot distracted for the last 2 weeks. I've been on testosterone for 2 months now( 5 shots so far) still at 80 mg will probably go up next visit, depends on my bloodwork.Physical changes: most noticeable is my voice, getting deeper every day… I LOVE IT. Before I hated the sound of my own voice, now I talk just to hear myself :). Peach fuzz on the face increasing and definitely some hair on my belly….. Woo. My waist is starting to appear more "box like" less hour glass and the acne is still there UGH. Mentally, well I feel this giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can live how I always wanted to…. As myself because as someone once told me "I'm beautiful in this way, because God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I WAS BORN THIS WAY"- Lady Gaga
Speaking of work, coming out at work….. It scares me to death. Although gender identity is protected under …

Transgender and Religion

Image
Today was my 4th shot of testosterone. AS of right now I am dosing every 2 weeks at 80 mg. Its not much but they start you small. We don’t need any incredible hulk monsters running around now do we.
I've noticed some physical changes like; voice cracking a little and slightly lower pitch, more peach fuzz on my face, oily skin and some acne. Mentally I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm not walking around with a "doom and gloom" cloud over my head all the time.
Ok onto the serious stuff. Transgender and religion. Once upon a time I was told that there were "no religions that accept changing of the sexes". Hmm, good point, so I did what I do best, RESEARCH. I was raised catholic after all, but don’t worry I will go every religion I can think of for my curiosity and that I love proving a point.
There are a lot of religions out there. The most dominate being Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

The Abrahamic religions, also referred to coll…

My Reflection and Rejection

Image
Look at me I may never pass for a perfect bride, or a perfect daughter. Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart.
I identified with the character of Mulan in ways, at the time, I didn’t think possible. I never had a name for it, you know transgender. Unhappy as a girl and the role set out for her because of her gender you see her come into her own when she poses as a man. Now I know what your thinking, Mulan is not transgender what the hell you getting at Jay? Bare with me on this I'll get to it. No she is not transgender. The movie is up for interpretation. My interpretation then and now is that having to live up to expectations of family even though nothing represents who you are as a person. having to go along with their wishes and hiding your real identity because you're scared they may not accept you for who you are. and theirs always going to be this nagging feeling within you every…

Post # 2: Blue is for Boys Pink is for Girls

Image
Just an update on my transition: its been one month and 6 days since I started testosterone. Some physical changes: skin is a little oily and I noticed some acne (its like second puberty, as if the first time wasn't enough haha)
Now onto the title of this:     When a baby is born a boy, they give him a blue hat. The baby shower covered in blue. Dreams of him playing sports dance in the parents head. But what happens if that same boy grows up to be a ballet dancer? Does that mean he's gay? Feminine? Maybe he's just really talented and what do you know maybe even heterosexual/straight.

Gender stereotypes, I've been fighting against them as early as I can remember. I recall getting horribly upset that I couldn't join the boy scouts with my brother, or play peewee football with him. The boy scouts were way cooler than the girl scouts, who as far as my 8 year old mind could comprehend sold cookies and we were called brownies. LAME, well to me anyway, I'm sure ther…