Just an update on my
transition: its been one month and 6 days since I started testosterone. Some
physical changes: skin is a little oily and I noticed some acne (its like
second puberty, as if the first time wasn't enough haha)
Now onto the title
of this:
When a baby is born a boy, they give him a blue hat. The baby shower covered in
blue. Dreams of him playing sports dance in the parents head. But what happens
if that same boy grows up to be a ballet dancer? Does that mean he's gay? Feminine?
Maybe he's just really talented and what do you know maybe even
heterosexual/straight.
Gender stereotypes,
I've been fighting against them as early as I can remember. I recall getting
horribly upset that I couldn't join the boy scouts with my brother, or play
peewee football with him. The boy scouts were way cooler than the girl scouts,
who as far as my 8 year old mind could comprehend sold cookies and we were
called brownies. LAME, well to me anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of ladies
out there who enjoyed girl scouts.
Why is it that as a
kid I had to take home education aka home ec. while the boys in my class got to
take shop. How cool would it be if I got to play with power tools, learn about
cars. My dad was pretty cool and let me play with a power sander when I helped
repaint the entire house, or put drywall up in the basement. I was in heaven
when we worked on the house together. I really felt close to him, like this is
where I belong.
I remember growing
up trying so hard to fit in with the other girls. Trying to like the things
they liked. I wanted to belong, to have friends. Try as I might I didn't fit
in, except with the drama geeks.
Aaah drama club, the
safety zone for all the freaks, geeks, and misfits of high school. The only
place I was never bullied. I think that all of us were just trying to survive
high school so when the time came we could strike out on our own. I always found
a way to avoid gender. To avoid being identified as I am a female. Never really
dated boys, found out later on in life that its because I had no interest. I
didn't have interest in anyone really, just getting out of Rhode Island.
Get out I did. I
joined the Army. A decision I will never regret. It really did save my life,
and yes try to destroy me at the same time. I am who I am today because of my
experiences in the past, both good and bad. Anyway, back to gender. So the
military distinguishes gender only on two occasions: Sleeping arrangements,
sorry no co-ed going on here and physical fitness test. Females had a lower
standard on the push-ups and the run. Females after all are built to make
babies. And yes men are stronger in the upper-body area. However, I never do
anything the easy way so I set out to blow the fitness test out of the water.
At the end of basic I did 100 push-ups in a minute, maxed on my sit-ups and
finished my run with 2 minutes to spare. One thing I have to give the Army
credit for is that I was always treated like one of the boys.
Why am I yammering
on about gender. Because for a lot of transgendered people we notice early on
that something is not quite right with the biology we are given. I tried, I
really tried to be what I was born to be....literally and physically. It led me
down a dark path of depression and suicidal ideation. I felt alone and
misunderstood. Take a look around, you probably know someone struggling right
now. The best thing to happen to me was finding a support system. If you know
someone struggling or are struggling, your not alone. Reach out to that person,
don't judge them based on anything. We are all human no matter our race,
ethnicity, religion, sex, gender identity. We all deserve to feel comfortable
in our own skin.
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